OK, I didn't cry in the bathroom today. But I did on Tuesday. I also cried in the car, and at home and I only moved into the bathroom so all the people in the restaurant I was having lunch at wouldn't see me bawling my eyes out at the table.
On Tuesday, I stopped being a Stay At Home Mom. I became a Housewife. And it was harder than I thought it would be. I knew the day would come when I wouldn't have any more babies to take care of all day, every day. But for some reason, I just wasn't prepared to handle that day.
My little baby cried when I dropped him off for his first day at Montessori school. I cried in the car after we left. When my baby cries, I get so upset. He's such an angel and he been literally connected to me since the second he was born. He's almost 2, but I still carry him around like he's an infant. We have been together, like, almost every second of his life. Now he's gone.
Hoping he gets comfortable and stop crying on and off all day soon. I feel so sad for my baby.#1 moved to a new school. An amazing school, and I'm so happy he's there. But I couldn't help but feel sad because his moving to this school, means so many changes for our family. Getting up early, a really long commute, having to get to know the ins and outs of a new school, getting to know a whole new group of parents, no more flexibility in our schedule for fun daytime outings and traveling...all normal things, but still kind of stressful. But we're lucky he gets to go there and I know all of these things will work out.
Each new JK student got a little bear. This bear has been attached to him ever since he got it. He named him Orange Bear (which is also the nickname for his cohort).But what really got me so emotional was thinking about what I'm going to do with myself! Now that it's not my job to take care of a small child all day, what the heck do I do??? I joined LuLaRoe in the spring in hopes that it could become a full time job with part-time hours when #3 started his toddler program - one where I can still earn money but still have flexible hours and be available for my children. But, at this point it looks like I won't be continuing with that. So, now I'm jobless.
I never planned to not work. I never even planned to be a SAHM. It just happened that I had a bad job at the time I got pregnant and it was the best choice not to continue with it. But I like working! I want to have something to do every day, earn money and contribute to my household. My plans have fallen through, so now what?
So Tuesday, my babies were gone, my #3 cried when I left him, my #1 reminded me at the table that he'll always love me and give me hugs and kisses and I was feeling like a jobless lump. So I cried in a restaurant. Hard. And my husband told me to go to the bathroom to get myself together. I stopped crying, but I'm definitely not together.
But I'll figure it out. I always do.
And there's really no point to this blog except to get it out of my system.
But here are some happy photos of my babies on their first days. #2 is continuing at the same school and has been in her preschool program all summer, so no big changes for her this school year.
Until next time,