January 2016 | The Glam Mom

Bedtime Shenanigans

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Edit - 
I'm going to preface this with a few things:
  1. There is profanity in this post. If that bothers you, click away right now. 
  2. I'm not asking for advice.  I'm just venting. I know all the recommendations. None of that bookish stuff works for my kids.  What does work right now?  Going with the flow.  
  3. Don't come at me with any bullshit after reading this, because I will block you.  
K, thanks.  So...


Hi there, 

I've been wanting to write a post about the shit show that is bedtime at our house for the longest. Well tonight's the night! It's almost 10:30, husband is out and the baby is awake, laying on my chest so I'm writing it asap before I forget this nonsense. 

Yes, the baby is awake. And so is my son. The crying has stopped in my daughter's room, so I'm assuming she finally dozed off...

So here's the long and short of it - I fucking hate bedtime.  

I've hated bedtime since #1 was small.  He never slept. Ever. I can't even say he'd sleep if someone was sleeping with him, like the other 2. I'm not going to go into each kid's individual sleep issues,  but they l have them and...

Oh wait.  My daughter is still awake because she just opened her door.  Excuse me while I yell across the house at her.  

Good fucking God. I swear they hate me.  When is my husband coming home?!?!?!  He better have cake when be walks through the door. 

Anyway, my kids don't sleep.  None of them.   At this point the only one who sleeps through the night is the 4 year old, and this is a fairly new development.  The 2.5 year old usually wakes once and ends up in bed with me and the baby wakes anywhere from 1-4 times, but usually it's just to fuss a bit and he's easy to go back down. Sometimes in the last few weeks he's required a night nursing,  which is ridiculous,  but if it gets him to go back to sleep, then I'll do it. 

Anyway...

Bedtime is always a fucking shit show. We "stick to a routine," but my kids just aren't routine-ey. They love to toss us curve balls!  Like tonight. 

Husband is out for a late night medical procedure. While it didn't need to be scheduled for 8pm (!!!!!!!!!), I'm not going to give him a hard time about it because it's something he's been putting off for years and I'm glad it's taken care of now (but like I said, he better bring me some cake as a thank you for being understanding!!!!)  I was building a book case and the kids were playing and being generally good.  I'd let them have pudding for dessert (this is probably where I went really really wrong!!!! But it was before 7pm so I thought it'd be ok!) because they'd eaten their dinners and we're behaving fairly well, so we came upstairs for bed at 8. Yes 8. For many families that sounds so late, but it's normal here. They don't usually wake until 8-830am. (We're always late for everything because of it! We've tried to move it up, but it just doesn't work for us because, well, shenanigans.)

All was going well.  Teeth were brushed.  #2 gave up her book choice in favor of listening to Frankie Valli's "Big Girls Don't Cry." #1 chose Marcel the Shell: The Most Surprised I've Ever Been. I got him into his bed, and he didn't want to go to sleep because he was working on a new Lego Bus design. OK. I told him he could finish his bus and I'd come back and tuck him in after I got his sister settled.  

#2.  She is a mess. (BTW - I refer to my kids as numbers for now, because I'm trying not to expose too much about them.  At least for now.  That's why my photos are usually of just me lately.  Not sure yet how much I want to include them. Yet. Anyway...) She's a disaster.  She was just born that way and you can't help but love her for it.  She's amazing in so many ways, but she is TOUGH. And sleep for her is a group activity.  She basically refuses to do it alone unless I force her. Like tonight.  She took her little behind back to bed during my yelling break above. She wants someone to lay with her. Every night. And sometimes she will lay there awake for an hour. So someone just has to lay there with her. But on a night like tonight it's impossible because I'm alone and baby #3 still nurses to sleep. But lately he nurses, and jumps up and plays and does NOT go to sleep. 

So I lay with #2, while holding #3, hoping for the best. I told her I could only stay a few minutes then her brother needed to nurse to sleep. She said ok, but of course she didn't REALLY mean ok. She meant "stay for a few minutes and I'll pretend to go to sleep and then I'm going to open my door and make noise until I wake up the baby that you JUST laid down." That's what she really meant.  I'd literally just walked out of the baby's room to discipline her for making so much noise, when the baby started crying. So now I have to go back to him. But not before #1 calls for me.  His shoulders hurt.  Well, that's a new one.  He's been struggling with knee pain for over a year now. It always happens when  he's super tired. His knees ache and he needs us to rub them
He wakes us up in the middle of the night in tears. I assume it's growing pains and I feel sad for him because I don't know how to make him feel better,  so I just rub until he goes to sleep. I would have gladly rubbed his shoulders tonight except I had a crying baby and a ridic toddler making so much noise I just had to tell him "when you're sick, rest is best, rest is best." Mamas, you know where that's from and I'm sure you've all said it!  Right?!?!


So I tucked #2 back into bed and go get crying baby. That whole 5 minutes he was asleep was apparently all the rest he needed because he just wanted to play after that!  While I'm trying to rock him back to sleep,  guess who opens their door and hops the gate like a pro?  You guessed it! I told her to get back in her room immediately,  and she did. But it didn't last long...

Since #3 was wide awake again, I took him downstairs.  Most nights we feed him a veggie/fruit pouch before bed to get some extra calories in him. He needs them.  He's so tiny.  So we were cuddling on the couch when I hear the toilet flush and the sink turn on.  I just knew for sure it was #2. She loves to play in the fucking sink. It's so annoying.  But, surprise!  It was #1. He had to poop. And he didn't call for me. And he does not know how to wipe himself too well yet. So imagine my non-surprise when I walked in the bathroom and see poop smears ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL.  Which means, he had poop on his hands when he flushed and turned on the sink and used the soap. Yo. I ain't go time for this shit!!!!! I had to not only re-wipe his behind (poop all over it of course!), I then had to bleach the whole bathroom. Because I'm terrified of stomach viruses. They are spread by poop germs y'all. He touched everything with poopy hands!!! So after I got him cleaned up and back in his room, I needed to clean the bathroom immediately. Can you believe #1 starts SINGING?!?!?!  Some happy fucking tune. I was like "who ever is singing better STAAAAHHHP IT IMMEDIATELY!!!"  Poor baby #3 cried in his room the whole time while #2, pretended to be asleep. When I finally finished, she of course came out looking for me. I carried her tush back to bed and told her I didn't want to see her out of her room again. (Obviously that didn't work, because, see above.)

Anyway. It's after 10:30 and everyone is finally asleep. And, in all honesty, this is fairly early this week. 2 nights ago, #1 stayed up until 1145 and he hadn't even taken a nap that day!!!   This is the kind of shit that happens around here almost nightly. Tonight it was only amplified because I didn't have a partner to split the work with. This is why my house is a mess. I have a baby up my ass all day, who doesn't nap alone.  Not complaining - I get to lay in bed for 2 hours a lot of days. But I don't get much else accomplished during the day. And nighttime, while most kids are asleep, my kids are wilding out.    

I hate that the last thing my kids have to hear before going to bed is me yelling at them. I try so hard to keep it together, even reminding them that mommy is on the verge, and nice mommy will disappear and mean mommy will take over.  Sometimes they care.  Sometimes they don't.  Tonight they didn't.  I can't blame them at all. They are small children.  They do what they can get away with. 

Lack of discipline?  Probably.  OK, absolutely.  But hubby is a softy and he doesn't like to listen to them cry so...I'm not soft, but we parent 50/50 (most of the time haha!), so, so far this is just the life we're dealing with.  But that doesn't mean I'm not going to complain!  I fucking hate this shit!!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!!

Benefit?  I planned to clean that bathroom today anyway. 

Just for fun, here's a few snippets from my SnapChat so you can see how things went around 5am.  You're jealous, I know.


video

video

Until next time, 

xoxo

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Unprompted Answers from My Little People

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Hi there!

I've been seeing these questions making the rounds on Facebook and I'll be honest - I was afraid to try them! I sometimes feel like I'm the meanest mom in the universe and I was afraid my kids would give me answers like "You yell at me," or "Your job is looking at your phone." But I wanted to share that thankfully my kids don't think I'm a horrible beast of a mother! It seems like they actually like me! Haha! I'm far from a perfect parent. I know there a LOT of things I could improve on. I yell too much. I probably look at my phone too much. But I also play with them, I take them all over God's Green Earth, I take lots of photos and videos and most importantly, I love them to the Uranus and back (I'd say Pluto, but you know...). 

I'm glad I tried this with them. Maybe I'll come back to this and try it again when they are a little older and #2 isn't so distracted by a Lego set that I've repeatedly asked her NOT TO TOUCH!!! Their answers are below. If you try it with your kids, let me know! 

Without ANY prompting, ask your kid(s) these questions.

Aleks - 4 Years Old
1. What is something I always say to you?
I love you
2. What makes me happy?
Kissing me
3. What makes me sad?
When I hit people
4. How do I make you laugh?
By falling down and telling Jaxon silly jokes
5. What was I like as a child?
Four. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
6. How old am I?
69 years old
7. How tall am I?
This tall [demonstrating with his hands]. Taller than daddy. 
8. What is my favorite thing to do?
Build Lego sets with me
9. What do I do when you're not home?
Be sad
10. What am I really good at? 
Legos
11. What am I not very good at?
Coloring
12. What do I do for a job?
Drive
13. What is my favorite food?
Cherries
14. What do you enjoy doing with me?
Batman

Ana - 4 years old
1. What is something I always say to you?
You say 'Go To Sleep"
2. What makes me happy?
You have to read books (something indiscernible)
3. What makes me sad?
Jaxon spits at you and it makes you sad
4. How do I make you laugh?
Sing
5. What was I like as a child?
Me, Ana
6. How old am I?
You are 3
7. How tall am I?
I told you you're 3
8. What is my favorite thing to do?
You go to sleep and you talk to me
9. What do I do when you're not home?
You talk to me
10. What am I really good at? 
I love you
11. What am I not very good at?
Um, I don't know.
12. What do I do for a job?
Um, do the Legos in here
13. What is my favorite food?
Chicken nuggets
14. What do you enjoy doing with me?
I like to do songs.

Until next time,

xoxo

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The Shoe That Grows GIVEAWAY!!!

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This post is sponsored by: 

Hi there!

It's been so long since I've posted! We've had so much going on, with he holidays, the kids being home from school and sickness. So. Much. Sickness. OMG, it's the WORST! But I have so much to catch up on and I'm excited to start with this post.

There have been a lot of terrible things happening around the world lately. So many people displaced, hurt and killed. It's all senseless and horrible. And I will admit that I am so uneducated on any of it. But after reading posts on Facebook about Syrian refugees (yes I'm fully aware that it's so sad that my main source is news is Facebook!), I've made a vow to myself to become more informed on world news and to also be more charitable. So, I'm so glad that The Shoe That Grows asked me to help them spread the word about their organization.

TheShoeThatGrows.org, a project run by Because International, is a charity that "makes things better by making better things." You can read all about either organization at the links above. But, over 2 billion people in the world suffer from soil-transmitted parasite diseases. The objective of The Shoe That Grows is to help children protect their feet. 

These amazing shoes GROW with your child!!! Before they contacted me, I'd actually already read about this project on The Huffington Post and I thought it was awesome! What a clever idea, right? Expandable shoes!!! 
Like I said, these shoes grow along with the child. They should last at least five years because the shoe grows five sizes. They come in two sizes - Small and Large. The small size fits kids from ages 5 - 9 and the large fits ages 10-14.  
Much like the popular shoe company Toms, The Shoe That Grows donate shoes with every purchase of shoes. But, different from Toms, however, they donate TWO pairs for each pair bought!


This photo is of my 4.25 year old wearing the size small.  He currently wears a toddlers' size 12 shoe, and you can clearly see that this shoe is a bit too big. So I assume this would be a great fit for a kids' size 1. Although, they did not flip off the back of his feet when he walked.
These shoes are an economical and environmentally friendly way to provide shoes to kids around the world as well as to your own. Shoes that last at least five years and are made of simple materials (leather, compressed rubber, and snaps) help prevent parasite diseases as well as help to reduce waste.
I'm so excited to have a pair of these shoes for my own child and will have him really give them a good testing this spring when it's not below freezing anymore! And I'm also excited that The Shoe That Grows have given me a 2nd pair of shoes to give away to one of YOU!!!!
This blue pair of The Shoe That Grows can be yours!  

Follow the link below to enter!  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Each task will earn you an extra entry. Do one or do them all!  The more you complete, the more chances you'll have to win. I will choose the winner on 1/31/16 at 8:00pmCST (US and Canada ONLY).
Please share this post with all your family and friends so we can help spread the word about this awesome charity! And follow The Shoe That Grows on Social Media: 
And good luck to everyone that enters!  
Until next time,
xoxo



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