Why Is NOT Yelling SO Hard????? | The Glam Mom

Why Is NOT Yelling SO Hard?????

Hi there,

I have this problem with yelling. I can't help it. Sometimes I yell when it's absolutely unnecessary. It's just a reflex. My kids do something even SLIGHTLY annoying? I will start yelling, even if it doesn't even warrant a slight raising of my voice. Don't get me wrong, there is a LOT of behavior around here that warrants a voice-raising! But, not everything. So I'm trying to be better.

I grew up in a house with a lot of yelling. And I always hated it. I cried a lot. I was scared to get into trouble because I didn't want to get yelled at. And I guess how I was treated (not badly by any means!!! It was just...loud.) has become a part of my own personality.  And I HATE it.  

I can see the look in my kids' eyes when I yell at them. They are frightened. They are small. They misbehave. It's part of their learning-process, and I know this. I also see it in how they treat each other - they yell at each other. They yell at me. It's not right. I know I should be more patient, but it's SO. FREAKING. HARD.
Ordinarily, this is the kind of thing that would have me IRATE. I was upstairs with her brother so I wasn't watching her closely. I had to take a breath as I gathered up the markers and just...let it go. She was so happy, so...is it really worth yelling over?  I decided no. 
My #2, my girl, just officially became a "Threenager" and, man, is she TESTING ME!!! Daily. She's driving me fucking insane, really. And my response has been to yell at her. And, it really just makes things worse. She cries harder when I yell, which makes me yell more, and it's just a horrible cycle!

A few weeks ago she sat next to me and touched my face (if you know her, you know she's a real face toucher), and she said "Mommy, you have to be nicer." I mean...talk about heartbreak. I HATE that my kids think I'm mean. They are so small. They shouldn't feel that way about me.
(Ignore the cockroaches in the background.)  She looks so cute right?  Well, in reality, she refused to give me back my $80 sunglasses and I just gave in to avoid tears. Then she dropped them and they got scratched beyond repair.  We were at the zoo. I didn't yell. It's just sunglasses right? And, really, it's my fault for not being more insistent she return them. Right? That's what I told myself. 
So lately (like, this last week, LOL!) I've been trying to keep my cool more. I've really been making an effort to not SCREAM at them for minor misbehavior. Instead, I've been giving them warnings, like "Mommy is getting upset with your behavior. If you don't stop,"MEAN MOMMY" is going to come out and you're not going to like it." My kids DO NOT like "Mean Mommy." So, this has been working.

I feel better at the end of the day not having screamed at my kids over things that just don't matter. So I'm going to keep trying to keep "Mean Mommy" in check. I'm working on picking my battles and keeping my voice calm and cool.
It was 11:30pm. She refused to sleep. She snuck out of her room and got into my makeup and put lipstick all over her face.  I didn't yell.  I just Snapchatted it. LOL!  Sometimes, you just HAVE to laugh.
I know I'm not the only mom who has this problem. If you've been able to curb your loudness, how'd you do it? I'm open to advice on this one!!!

Until next time,


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  1. So hard... if there's a parent out there who never yells, they're lying. But, I found some advice from Janet Lansbury particularly helpful... she said somewhere (no idea where...one of her blog posts) that if you're annoyed or angry you set the limit too late. This is exactly what you're saying with the sunglasses... you should have insisted earlier.
    Keeping that in mind - and therefore setting firm limits sooner - is really, really helpful to me.

    1. That is VERY true. I do let things get too far. But I think sometimes I just wake up mad LOL! I need to work on being happier in general.

  2. I was there last summer. Same comments from my 4yo about not being so mean. Look up Tuesday's Child. At 3633 N. California. It's worth every penny. I have a lot of parenting regret - and i still yell - but it's better. I can see a huge difference in my kids. Charity.

    1. Never knew something like that existed!!! Did you do this??? I feel like my kids aren't the problem - it's me lacking patience that's the problem. Yes, they test, but I don't think it's anything abnormal. I just forget they are kids sometimes. But I will read more into the program details tomorrow. Thanks for the recommendation!!!

  3. I don't have advice. Being a mommy is hard. I try not to yell (but I do sometimes). If I don't yell I inject swears like commas...like, "mommy's going to fucking lose it," but of course calm with a smile as the pitch gets higher. Bad mom.
    My 4 year old even once told me I was bad with babies (my 21 month old). I asked her why. She said I make them cry. Sad moment. It stuck with me.
    But I know 99% (or 95%) of the time I'm a great mom. I'm not their best friend; I set boundaries. But I love them and they know that. They get hugs after all loud (or swearing) moments and we try to learn from each experience.
    You're a good mom but in the moment it's often hard to see.

    The days seem to last forever but the years fly by. At least that's what I've noticed in my 4 years of mommyhood. I'm trying to be better "in the moment" and I try to remind myself of that when things get difficult.

    1. It does fly by!!! That's why I want to do better. They already spend so much time away from me. I don't want their time with me to be sad. I do a lot of hugging and apologizing. Id' rather just be hugging :)