Hi there,
It's been a while since I've written a personal post. I used to do this a lot but honestly, I just haven't had much to say in the last few years.
But today, I feel really happy to I'm going to express it.
I'll start with -
Today is my birthday. I'm 29 for the 13th year. I'll let you do the math. Hopefully you suck at math and give up.
I don't usually like to celebrate my birthday. In fact, in the last few years I'd prefer to be completely alone on this day and have even gone as far as taking my birthday off my Facebook page so no one would mention it. (It's back now, obviously lol!)
I don't like getting older. Mostly because I feel like I wasted my youth, so what is there to celebrate about a new year when the ones behind it feel worthless.
Many people would think that earning a graduate degree and marrying a wonderful man and having 3 awesome kids and a nice house and, not, a great job would be enough to fulfill someone. But in all honesty, those are not things I ever really dreamed of, so they've never felt fulfilling. Just bonus points for living life.
Don't get me wrong, I have a GREAT life. An amazing life, really. One that many people could only dream of. But I've felt unfulfilled for a long time. I've felt unsupported in my ventures for a long time. I've felt unappreciated for a long time. I've felt lonely for a long time. I've felt like I could leave and the only people who would miss me are my husband and kids.
But today, I got a new perspective.
My baby woke me up at 3:30am to wish me a happy birthday. And then again at 6am. And he was so tired, he fell asleep on the way to school. He wore himself out because he was too excited to wait to wish me a happy birthday. And I am grateful.
My kiddos surprised me with cards and candy and gifts and so much love this morning. And I am grateful.
My favorite people texted and called me this morning - my mom, my brother, my sister in law, my good friends. And I am grateful.
I got to work at my cubicle was decorated. Balloons and streamers and a card signed by my department and others. One of my employees gave me a gift - the soundtrack to 2 musicals we'd talked about that I've never listened to.
My boss threw a pizza party for me and got me a cake. I was shocked. My coworkers said he's never done this for anyone else. My employees said he's never bought them a cake and they've worked for him for 16 years.
I was overwhelmed. I cried. It was a lot of attention. I don't like for people to pay attention to me, especially on my birthday. As much as I enjoy performing, I don't actually like attention. I prefer for people to not notice me. I said out loud that I don't really enjoy my birthday so all this attention on it was overwhelming to me. And one of my coworkers said that I should be grateful for this birthday as after last year, many people didn't get to their next birthdays. We need to be grateful for the time we are given.
And he's right.
I haven't been grateful. I've been too busy dwelling on the negative - feeling unappreciated, when there are OBVIOUSLY people who appreciated me. Feeling lonely, when maybe not as alone as I thought. Maybe I've been too busy focusing on the negative that I haven't noticed that there are a lot of people who appreciate me and might just miss me if I was gone.
So today, I'm grateful. I still don't like my birthday. But I'm going to enjoy the rest of this day because people went WAY out of their way to make it special for me.
I will say this is probably the best birthday I've had in a lot of years.
And I'm grateful.
Until next time,
xoxo
0 comments:
Post a Comment